My pity party....care to join?

So, I think I'm getting sick. I guess I deserve to get a cold since I haven't had one since last May, but it really sucks feeling under the weather when you have three kids at home. My kids love it because they get to watch more TV when Mommy's not feeling well, but those kids cartoon voices are so piercingly loud when your head is foggy from a cold.  And poor Julian is going through a tantrum phase which Mommy has no patience for because his cute little voice is not so cute when he's screaming at the top of his lungs because I won't let him leave the bathroom without washing his hands. Alie seems to understand a little.  She gives me hope that the boys will one day be able to sympathize, although sometimes even she too really just needs Mommy to get her a glass of water...right...now!! God should have made it so that Mom's have some super high immunity to colds so that they can take care of their family when they are all sick.

Not only am I getting sick, but I think Mike and Gabe are as well.  This wouldn't be so bad, except that when Gabe is sick, he is up more than normal (which is a lot recently), and this does nothing when my body is trying to heal.  And when Mike is sick, he "can't" help because he is sick (sigh). I will back track a little here and say that Mike is the best Dad and husband. He helps out a lot! But when he is sick, he is a typical man and needs to be taken care of just as much as the kids do.  So, this leaves me bleary eyed and sniffling, running in between beds night and day, helping everyone else get better, while my cold just lingers on.  I'm sure I'm not the only Mom that does this, it just gets to be a little crazy sometimes.

Now, the best part of all of this is that once everyone is better, I usually get a chance to rest. Because Mike is so helpful, once he is feeling healthy he will watch the kids while I get a little sleep (he WILL, mostly because he really won't have much choice...lol). So, for now, I just plug on, hoping that tomorrow everyone will feel better, and I may be able to finally get some rest.

Google, the parenting expert?

When Alie was first born, I thought I was ready for anything. After all, I had read so many books, blogs, and message boards about parenting that I knew how to handle any situation.   I knew how to get my kid to sleep (drowsy but awake right, doesn't that always work??), how to give her a bath (cotton balls to clean eyes??), and  how to handle colic (colic hold, loud shushing...etc).  Plus, I had many people who were willing to help by giving advice if something did come up that I hadn't read about.  I remember my Mum saying "In my day, babies didn't come with instruction manuals," and I thought about how lucky I was that I knew everything already. Well, as all experienced moms know, most of the 'advice' you read or are told is quickly thrown out once your baby is actually in your arms. But, the advice keeps coming, from both welcome and unwelcome sources.  It seems that EVERYONE has an opinion on what should be done in any situation. Now I know that it is important to take all the well intentioned advice, but only to use what I believe will work for our family in our situation, otherwise I will drive myself crazy with what 'should' be done, rather than what is best for us.

Recently I was reading a parenting magazine (yet another source of advice), and came across an article that reminded me that I was not alone, and that it is okay for me to take pieces of advice from everywhere to form my own method of parenting. The article titled "Parenting by download" discussed using Google as a way to find quick answers to parenting questions, and wow, could I ever resonate with that.  I have been Googling (can I use it as a verb?) everything lately about parenting, from growth spurts to red dots on face/arms, age to start discussing how babies are born (I've been getting this question from Alie lately) to baby sleep habits, its all on Google. My advice, don't do it!! That is, unless you want to feel totally useless as a parent.  Google will dutifully come up with thousands of hits, and then you have to sort through what is opinion and what is fact, and it seems like everyone has a very strong opinion one way or another.  'Getting baby to sleep' has been my worst choice as of late.  Unless you have Googled it, you have no idea how strong the opinions are on this topic.  Each side will make you feel like a terrible parent for not taking their side, and make it sound like you will be forever wounding your child if you choose the opposite. At least people in real life have common decency to give advice and then back off.  It seems like the internet lets people have opinions and make judgments without having to worry about other's feelings or situations. I learned from this entire experience that I will not find all my answers on Google.  In fact, I need to make decisions based on what is happening in my house right now with my children, because no one else knows our exact circumstance enough to fully give sound advice, especially random people on the internet.

When I was your age....

In my mind I am still somewhere between 18 and 21.  Granted, the outside is starting to show some wear and tear, although I still don't think I look like I'm in my 30's (well, at least I hope not).  The only difference on the inside is perhaps a lot more self confidence and a little less emotional imbalance, but aside from that, I have this perception that I still exist in my prime; That things are still made for my generation, and we are the centre of the universe.  However, every once in awhile I am reminded that I am moving on in my life.  You would think that my kids would do this to me, but I really think they actually make me feel younger because I get to experience life again through their eyes.  What makes me feel the oldest is when I talk to others who I perceive are from my generation, but have no clue about the events or, in this case, the technology I take for granted.

The incident in question started at the hairdresser's. I was chatting with my stylist about cell phones, when she mentioned she knew a kid that racked up $1000 in charges on his new phone in one month.  Since I do understand about apps, downloads and other ways to spend money on a phone, I was able to keep up with her conversation.  In fact, I decided to tell her about a time when Mike and I got a bill for $450 for a week in Edmonton (we lived in BC at the time) because of roaming charges. She looked at me like I was crazy. She had no idea what roaming charges were.  My experience occurred back in 1998, so I asked her how old she was then...she said she was 7.....7!!?? Seriously??  I was in University by then.  1998 really seems like just yesterday sometimes. My daughter is almost 7 (well, 2 year away, but close enough), and I hope it takes longer for her to grow up than the time from 1998 until now.

As a mom, that thought scares me.  What if it goes by that fast? I'm not ready to see our lives pass so quickly. It makes me wonder if I am doing enough every day to enjoy each stage my children go through, or am I just letting each day pass without taking advantage of the little bit of time my children will be innocent and sweet? I know that's more sentimental than I usually get, but the thought of time passing so fast makes me want to hold my children close and not let go.

So, we are all getting older, and will all have stories about what life was like back in 'our day.'  Hopefully we can hold on to a little piece of the present and enjoy what little time we have at each stage before it becomes another piece of our history.

Please don't feed the dust bunnies

Someone once said that when you give birth to a child, you give birth to guilt.  I wouldn't have believed it before having kids. Now though, I feel guilty about everything. Not spending enough time with my children, not spending enough time with Mike, spending too much time with the baby and not with the others, not calling my friends as often, not keeping my house immaculate...the list goes on and on.  I know most of you will say that I don't have to be supermom, but there really is a pressure to be perfect because it feels like everyone else around you has it all together. Well, I am ready to admit that I can't be perfect, so this week we hired a cleaning lady. Thanks to a generous Christmas gift that will help start the process, I am no longer going to have to feel guilty, and I am no longer going to have to deep clean my house....yippee!!!

I knew it was finally time for a cleaner this week when a few incidents finally pushed me to make the call. First, Julian is finally potty trained (thank God!), but he really likes to pee standing up.  AND, he really does not want much help now that he is a 'big boy' (many of you Moms that have had boys probably know where I'm going with this).  I can't count the number of times this week that I've been peed on, had to change my clothes, and had to mop up pee off of pretty much every surface in the bathroom.  Since he can't really aim yet (his belly gets in the way of him seeing anything), he just goes for it and hopes everything makes it in the potty.  That actually makes me kind of feel bad for our cleaning lady, but not bad enough to not hire her. I'll probably still have to clean up his messes anyway, but I'm sure there will be more than enough residual to keep her busy.

The second incident this week actually came after I made the call, but helped reinforce my desire for someone else to clean my house.  I had finally put Gabe down asleep in his crib (he is needing to be held all the time now to fall asleep) when Alie comes into the room and loudly proclaims that she has written 'Alie and Julian' on the bathroom wall. When asked why she did this, she says she can't remember her reason for defacing the wall (typical), so I go an look, and yep, in many different colours of non-washable crayon, Alie has staked a claim on our bathroom wall. She knew she was in trouble, and did help clean it up, but I had to give her points for coming out and telling me instead of letting me find it.  Trying to build trust is HARD!! So, I was able to get Mike to bring home magic erasers and he and Alie cleaned up the writing. Oh cleaning lady, you have no idea what you are coming into.

So, our first official cleaning is next Thursday.  I am going to leave my house dirty, and hopefully not feel bad that someone else is cleaning when I really should be doing it myself. At least it is one thing off my list of guilt, although I'm sure I'll find something to take it's place.

Oh, and we can call of the search for my abs. My kick boxing instructor found them for me...ouch.

Has anyone seen my abs?

I knew I wouldn't be in the best shape after having three kids.  I have come to expect a few more lumps in places both welcome and unwelcome.  What I did not expect after having three kids was that I wouldn't be able to do one measly sit up.  How am I ever supposed to get my abs back in shape if  I can't even get off the ground to do one sit up?

As you can guess, today was my first attempt at working out since Gabe was born.  It really stemmed from a moment a few weeks ago that went something like this:

I'm nursing Gabe in the back of the van while waiting for some store to open.  I don't bother covering up in front of the kids, and no one can see me with our tinted windows in the back of the van. Out of the blue Alie points to a roll of 'skin' (think fat) on my side and asks "What's this Mommy?"  After a few seconds of thinking about how to word this correctly without either 1. giving her an idea about bad body image, or 2. letting her think its ok to be overweight, I said "Its extra skin and fat that Mommy has left over from having Gabe.  I am going to start working out like Daddy does to get rid of it."
A few days later Alie sees me nursing again and says "Mom, the skin is still there, you really need to start working out with Daddy."

Sigh...she's so right. So tomorrow I start a step class that runs three days a week, and on my off days I'm going to do the Ab ripper from P90X with Mike. Today was my first P90 experience, and I didn't expect much, but I literally could not do one regular sit up.  It's like my ab muscles just didn't work. It didn't hurt, they just wouldn't work.  I was able to pull off some of the leg lifts and side sit ups, but regular sit ups...no way. Hopefully one day I'll get them back through hard work, but for now, if you see them, please let me know.

To sleep, perchance to dream...

Why is it that the first question people ask you when they see your baby is "So, are you getting any sleep?"  I know I'm guilty of obsessing about sleep with my children, but do I really need to be reminded that I haven't had a good nights sleep in....well....a long time? That being said, today's post is not about my sleep (although I could continue to rant, I will spare you the waste of time because that will do nothing), its about noticing my children's sleep habits, and the silly things they do when they're tired.

Alie has been asking me for awhile if she can stay up for New Years Eve this year. Knowing how she gets when her sleep gets disrupted, I should have known better than to say yes, but she must have caught me in a good mood at some point, and I agreed that she was probably old enough to stay up this year.  Because Alie and our friend's children were staying up, I couldn't very well say no to Julian, even though I should have since he is only two and a half. So, after a night of excitement and fun, today was, what Mike calls a 'gong show.' Last night we were giggling as they were stumbling over their own feet and couldn't walk in straight lines because they were so tired.  Today, we were trying really hard not to get mad at the tears of frustration, anger, happiness, or really whatever emotion they were feeling.  At nap time, Alie was sitting in bed, crying uncontrollably, trying to convince me that she didn't need a nap, while Julian screamed and threw his toys around in the bottom bunk because he wanted to say a different prayer before going to bed.  My poor Alie has been emotional since birth if her sleep schedule is changed too much.  I remember wondering if she was possessed before I figured out that she just needed a consistent sleep schedule.  I was a Nazi about her naps until she gave them up at three and a half, because I knew tears would flow if she did not nap at the same time every day.  Julian is just a typical boy, and gets frustrated and throws/hits random things when he is tired.  I can deal with that better than than the tears.  So now, imagine an extremely messy room, two tired kids, one boy who gets frustrated and is throwing the toys in all directions, one of which hits his sister, sending her cries of tiredness to a pitch higher than I have ever heard. If you have that in your head, you have begun to see what type of day I had today. And that's only two of the three kids.

My third child was actually pretty good today, but then babies sleep pretty much anywhere if they are held, so last night wasn't that difficult on him.  Gabe even slept in his bed for a bit during the party last night.  His sleep issues really just come at night, and I'm not sure what to do about them.  Once he's asleep, he will actually sleep well throughout the night (with about 2-3 wake ups...I deserve this good sleeping as my first two were hell waking up every 1-2 hours for 6 months).  However, it takes him about two hours to get to sleep every night.  He's SO tired, and is trying to sleep while I rock and cuddle with him, but it still takes almost all evening to finally settle him into a deep sleep.  He's out by 9:30-10:00pm, but I spend hours before that trying to get him to sleep.  I just keep thinking that I am so lucky that Mike is home every night so one of us can put the two older kids to bed, and one of us can deal with Gabe, and try to get him to a deep sleep earlier than the night before. He's coming up on three months, so I think he may grow out of this soon, and it will be so nice to get my evenings back so I can finish quilts and scrapbooks that need to be worked on, and maybe even spend some quality time with Mike (there's a novel idea).

On the potty training front, we've had a few small accidents, but overall our three day intense boot camp has been a success!!! Julian wants to go pee in the potty because he can stand up to pee now, and he can mostly do it himself, so he feels very successful.  He has been diaper free for four full days now, and I have a really good feeling that this will be it.  Woohoo, only one left in diapers. Maybe Gabe will train really early (that's the dream part...).

I always wondered how parents were able to have more than two children.  I was so scared to move from 'man on man' defense to 'zone' defense, but we are finding it easier than we originally thought.  It helps that our older two children are quite a bit older, and more independent so one of us can deal with both of them without any problems.  I think once Gabe starts moving around, things will get busier, but for now we are making it through, and actually enjoying the journey.

First post-exciting day...as always.

Three kids...who knew??  Everything in this world it made for families of four.  Think about it.  Tables at restaurants are made for four, family vacation prices are best with a family of 4... its almost as if the acceptable 'family' consists of two parents and two children, preferably one boy and one girl.  In this world where we all strive to be acceptable, why would anyone have more than two kids?  Sometimes larger families are made because parents grew up with this dynamic and know that it is not scary to have 3 or more children.  And sometimes, parents are not sure what they want, and a higher power decides their destinies whether they like it or not.  Mike and I fit into the second group.

Don't get me wrong, we wouldn't change our family for the world.  We are so happy with our newest addition, and Gabe is already an essential element in our family.   In fact, we are so happy that this decision was made for us, because, although we would not have chosen this on our own, we are finding there are more positive elements to a large family than we thought.  Alie and Julian are closer than they have ever been.  Yes, they still fight, but they take care of each other as well.  They express their love for one another in so many ways, and are each other's best friend.  It's hard to explain, but since Gabe was born, Alie and Julian have formed a stronger bond. I think it may be because they have been forced to rely on each other more than before.  Mom and Dad are busy a lot, and they find they can take care of each other.  No, we don't ignore them, but they have learned to get more of their needs from each other. It's quite cute.

Now, on to today.  Well, Julian is potty training....finally.   We have been trying for awhile to get him trained, with no success.  We hadn't really been trying as consistently as we should have been, so we decided to start the three day potty training regime yesterday.  Basically,  he goes naked from the waist down around the house until he is trained to go in the potty. Well, it seems simple, but really, think about how much carpet you have in your home, and imagine all the potential mess.  Day one actually went really well, with only one little accident in the morning.  We went to bed still skeptical though, because he never asked to go potty, we always prompted him.  Good thing our hopes were not too high.  This morning we are enjoying some quiet time while the kids play in their room, and out comes Julian looking very sheepish.  Yep, there is a big pile of poop in the middle of his floor.  Luckily, I picked him up first so Mike got stuck cleaning up the mess. I guess its my turn next time. The rest of the day went really well, and Julian was so excited to see that everyone in the family had created their own 'potty dance' to do whenever he went to the potty.  Even Gabe gets in on the fun.  Alie is super supportive and had her own dance whenever he goes potty.  She joins us in giving him high fives and hugs whenever he gets it right. Julian seems very proud, so hopefully this will work.

Well, that's all for tonight.  I hope this blog provides some insight into our family and the joys (and tribulations) of raising a larger family.